Unofficial Tex Murphy

I got this a while back and thought you might enjoy the comments.

National Girlfriend and Sister's Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have. To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!

It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!!!!

I just got all insulted.

Actually I learned a bevy of good information just now. That was very informative. Now I have a big piece of the puzzle on what makes women tick all abnormally.

*Looks at the women on the board, and clears his throat*

Most women that is.

Where is this going?

Jim the old guy wrote:I got this a while back and thought you might enjoy the comments.

National Girlfriend and Sister's Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have. To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!

It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!!!!

You know somehow this is funny but I can't figure out why. I must be tired.

Like watching a train wreck on Faux Mews, "Why do I do it?"

Don't know where it's going because I don't know where I've been. Just thought it might cheer up a few.

Well, I know women want equal rights, equal pay and equal social standing, and all that.

I'm all for that, you know? But that also means that your right to get off the Titanic first goes down with the Titanic, ok? No more of that "Women and children first"-crap. It's "Children first!" from now on. And if I'm before you in line to get in the life boat, tough luck lady, you're not getting my seat.

Of course, this shouldn't suggest that I'm not a gentleman. I'll still open doors for you ladies, pull out your chairs, and such small niceties.

"Chivalry is dead. And women killed it."

Were truer words ever spoken? Reap what you sow, ladies, that's what I say!

-Fred

Fred....what's the deal?

Well, I know women want equal rights, equal pay and equal social standing, and all that.

I'm all for that, you know? But that also means that your right to get off the Titanic first goes down with the Titanic, ok? No more of that "Women and children first"-crap. It's "Children first!" from now on. And if I'm before you in line to get in the life boat, tough luck lady, you're not getting my seat.

Of course, this shouldn't suggest that I'm not a gentleman. I'll still open doors for you ladies, pull out your chairs, and such small niceties.

"Chivalry is dead. And women killed it."

Were truer words ever spoken? Reap what you sow, ladies, that's what I say!

-Fred

Is there a "He-Man Woman Hater Club" opening up here? Isn't there few enough women on this board without trying to actively alienate those who do visit?
I'm not even going to try to get into a sociological, historical discussion about this, as you seem to have slapped a coat of cement on your view of the matter.

Nope, I don't hate women. In fact I'm more or less liable to get down on my knees and thank the powers that be for the presence of women on the planet.

Bit of advice, take everything I say with a grain of salt. If anything, I never ever wish to sow any form of spite on this board. My history here should speak for me on that matter.

But seriously, if you cannot see the satirical humor in what I wrote, skip it, forget it was there. But please, I beg you, don't see it as hating women, because absolutely nothing I said in there even hints at it.

Or at least I cannot see it.

And Jen, if I stepped on any toes, or touched any nerves of any kind, then I apologize. It was not my intention. I do however have a sarcastic and satirical sense of humor that sometimes doesn't quite translate the way I want it to. I wrote it to get a laugh out of people. Men AND women. I see now that it fell in poor taste (or something like that).

Now, in interest of keeping the peace - let's quit this thread before something REALLY bad happens.

-Fred

I never understood this equality lark! Women have it so much better than us schmucks: they dont do military service (except in Israel), they live longer and they retire earlier than us. If they decide not to work and stay at home nobody calls them losers.

Is this board becoming silly or what!

My apologies to Jen, et al, for this thread. It was a feeble attempt at humor but has since gave way to insults. Perhaps James will delete the entire thread.

Move to second that motion.

-Fred

A contraversial thread... and not the Cub-meister in sight? Very odd.

Needless to say, I have not even read the thread and judging by the past 2 posts I don't intend to.

-Cub. =o)

aw, but i love a bit of controversy in the morning.

Better than coffee!

Can't say that I'm offended. The main post seemed more anti-male if anything (strictly speaking its not anti-anything, its all just parody).
And Fred's post seemed more a (satirical) rant on anti-equality, although focused on females because of the thread title, it covers males too in that you can't have a balance (equality) if one is without the other and I doubt Fred would mind if it had gone that way, since his post was in favour of being fair.

(and as far as I'm concerned... we're all equal here and gender stereotypes are fair game to be made fun of!)

Nothing to see here!

Nice observation, Sai.

I think it's great seeing the female postings on this forum.

Anyway, in an attempt to praise the women on this board I give you the following...

1) You smell nicer than we do. Generally.
2) You don’t go round invading obscure areas of the globe (Sudetenland, East Timor, Darfur etc) thereby precipitating wars and millions of deaths.
3) You look better in boots than we do.
4) Your map-reading abilities aren’t affected in the slightest by whether a map is upside down or back to front.
5) You know where the butter is in the fridge.
6) Your “soft” bits are more fun than our “hard” bits. Just trust us on this…..
7) Your ability to point out that if we’ve been to a sporting event, then we don’t need to watch the highlights on TV thereby making room in our busy lives for such duties as shopping, cleaning the toilet, emptying the dishwasher etc. Thanks.
That way you cross your arms before pulling your sweater over your head. Yummy.
9) You don’t get “man” flu. At all. Ever.
10) You always tell us how much you’ve saved in the sales before you tell us how much you’ve spent. Very considerate