Unofficial Tex Murphy

These are real quotes from some very famous people. And they are STUPID!

WHEN YOU'RE FEELING STUPID, READ THIS!!










(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body"
-- Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward .

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A congressional candidate in Texas .
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Some of those hurt my brain.

Well played Jim, well played.

"Political Sovereignty means that it is Sovereign." - George Bush Jr.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

Or basically say "Mission Accomplished" and just lie about Failing Like a certain soon to be former president did.

Great quotes Jim; they're just what I needed today.

Haahaha those are classic Jim!

Always reminds me of the on there a football commentator said:

"...now if we look at it in slow motion, the ball seems to hover in the air for much longer..."

-Cub. =o)

The first two are the best. Great stuff.

What about the recent pageant-winner? Who said that the REASON so many americans can't find America on the world map is...

...that maybe they don't have maps?

-Fred

Oh, she wasn't nearly that articulate. Here's the transcript:

Questioner: Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?

Miss Teen South Carolina: I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa or should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us.

In the old days we'd take people that stupid, out into the woods, shoot them dead and leave them for the wolves, simply so they would not be allowed to interfer with our evolution, no matter how pretty they look.

At least that's what I say happened in the past! So there!

-Fred

This isn't a quote from someone famous, but it's the most stupid description of a computer problem that I've heard. . .and I was there! (No, it wasn't me who said it, since you're asking)

The guy having the computer problem was gone, so his manager was trying to describe the problem to the tech service guy, and he said (and I swear I heard this and I'm not kidding). . .

"He does something and it does something or something."

I challenge anyone to beat that for incompetence.

Life imitates Dilbert.

I was watching the NFL preseason game tonight featuring the Green Bay Packers vs Tennessee Titans. Eddie George said something that came out totally wrong.

Now I'm in the television business myself, and I have been on the crew that has filmed sports events before being promoted further up into the station. One of the things we did on crew to keep things fun is tell the announcer to say certain things, but to use them in such a way that they look almost accidental in nature.

How does this all play into what I'm talking about?

The NFL announcers tonight were talking about how LenDale White was up to 15 carries in the game. Eddie George then took the time to take over the announcing by saying that '15 carries is when the running back his just getting into rhythem'. But it was what he said next that had me shaking his head. He said, followed by sounds of muted laughter from the announcers, "Thats when his manhood comes into play."

Now thats what I'm talking about!!! :)

Rison

Here's another stupid comment, which was, believe it or not, supposed to be a compliment from a guy to a girl:

"You're not as heavy as you look."

In my defense; 1) I was trying to state both that she was very light and very slim, however I failed miserably. I was in luck that she understood what I was trying to communicate, and she just broke down in complete hysterical laughter at it instead. And 2) I was very young at the time.

It has later gone into Fred Lore as the worst compliment ever given.

So yeah. Where's my sign?

-Fred

Jim the old guy wrote:These are real quotes from some very famous people. And they are STUPID!

WHEN YOU'RE FEELING STUPID, READ THIS!!










(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````







"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````









"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````


"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A congressional candidate in Texas .
``````````````````````````````````````````````````

TIMELESS! Thanks heaps, Jim

I don't mean to steal your thunder but I need to add a few George Bush quotes, also referred to as Bushisms:

"You're working hard to put food on your family."

"Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die."

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"My initials backward are B.J. : Boy Genius" - Jethro Bodine

"And so in my state of the ... my state of the union ...or state .... my speech to the nation... whatever you wanna call it ... my speech to the nation ... "

"I know that human being and fish can coexsist peacefully"

"And america needs a military where our breast and brightest are proud to serve, and proud to stay"

"Barely is the question asked ... are .. is our children learning"

"Too many good docs are getting out of business ... too many OBGYN's aren't able to practice their ... love with women all across this country"

"There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee ... that says fool me once ... shame on ... shame on you ... ... ... fool me and you can't get fooled again."


All George Bush quotes ...