The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English."
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words
like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new sp elling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
Possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w"with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl
riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted
in ze forst plas.
"If you look to me for illumination, you better have a flashlight!"
As an English teacher that joke is really funny. So can I tell one completely different?
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God welcomes him at the pearly gates and invites him in. Then he asks what he would like in heaven. Cat says when he was on earth he was a barn cat and always had to sleep on a cold floor. So could he have a nice fluffy cushion to sleep on in heaven.
God says no problem and gives him the same. Off goes the cat with his fluffly cusjion.
Few hours later, another knock at the pearly gates and there stands a row of little mice. God welcomes them in and asks what they would like. Oh roller skates for sure. Our little feet got to tired and bruised running from cats on dogs on earth that roller skates would be great.
No problem says God and outfits them all.
Sometime later God decides to check on his creation and visists the cat. How is everything he asks. Just great says the cat - this cushion is wonderful and those Meals On Wheels are just great!
Really a good one 
