Tex Murphy Radio Theater
Episode Three: The Monkey's Tale
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Cast & Crew
Tex Murphy ...................... Chris Jones
Chelsee Bando ...................... Suzanne Barnes
Louie LaMintz ...................... Randall Edwards
Rook Garner ...................... Doug Vandergrift
Clint ...................... Steve Barnes
Mac Malden ...................... Kevin Jones
Fortune Teller ...................... Maureen Clark

Overseers ...................... Aaron Conners & Chris Jones
Scripts & Dialogue ...................... Aaron Conners
Audio Production ...................... Jon Clark
Music ...................... Third Ear
Foley & Additional Music ...................... Jon Clark
Assistant to Mr. Clark ...................... Les Oswald
Constant Hovering ...................... Doug Vandegrift

NARR: Welcome to Tex Murphy Radio Theater! When we last left our hero, Tex had been chased, shot at, forced to jump from a third-story ledge, and rescued by a shanghaid taxi. Now safely holed up in Louie’s apartment above the Brew & Stew, Tex learns that an entire month has passed since his last memory of the date with Chelsee. And adding insult to amnesia, Tex is wanted by the cops! And now, Episode 3: The Monkey’s Tale!

TM: [VO] I’d never been in trouble with the police. OK, I’d been trouble with the police, but I’d never had a warrant out for my arrest. Actually, I had had a couple warrants out for my arrest, but only for parking tickets and other misdemeanors, never a felony. Well, there was that one time, but the charges were dropped. But all in all I was fairly certain I’d cleared everything up – so when Louie said the cops were looking for me it came as a total shock. But Louie, being the kind soul he is, made sure I had a support group when he finally broke the news. After the diner closed for the day, he invited Clint and Rook over for some tea and sympathy, or in this case, bourbon and animosity.

R: I assume the police are on their way.

L: C’mon, Rook. We gotta let Moiph tell his side of the story ‘fore we do anythin’.

R: I know all I need to, thank you very much. Why do you suppose he’s been laying low for the past month? Explain that, Murphy!

TM: I don’t have to explain anything to you, you little half-pint--

C: Feel the anger. I knew it was just a matter of time before he snapped.

TM: I guess you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you Clint? By the way, looks like you’ve got a little mocha frappee on your chin.

C: Thanks. [SLURP] And, for the hundredth time, it’s frappe, you moron.

L: Now, we ain’t gonna get nowhere if all of ya start bickerin’. Let’s just have a drink and figure out what we’re gonna do. How ‘bout this, Moiph? Why don’t ya tell us what ya do remember?

TM: Like I said, I was at the Golden Pagoda with Chelsee.

R: And you probably made her pay for dinner. The final insult.

L: Keep quiet, Rook. Go on, Moiph.

TM: Well, we’d finished eating and Chelsee was telling me about my Chinese Zodiac sign.

C: And that would be the Jackass?


CB: OK. It says you’re clever, skillful, unusually inventive and able to solve difficult problems easily.

TM: --See? I told you I was amazing--

CB: --however, you must guard against impatience or being overly agreeable.

TM: That is so true.

CB: Hmm...it also says that monkeys think they’re funnier than they actually are.

TM: I don’t think so. Monkeys are hilarious…and incredibly handsome.

CB: Your turn. Read me mine.

TM: What’s your year?

CB: (WHISPERED REPROACHFULLY) Thirteen. As if you didn’t know.

TM: Let’s see...2013...2013...well, what d’ya know? You’re some kind of snake woman.

CB: Just read it, Monkey Boy.

TM: (DRAMATICALLY) You have great wisdom, though you speak little. [smirks]Yeah, right.

CB: No comments. Just keep reading.

TM: You can be vain and selfish, yet you have great sympathy and compassion. Blah, blah, blah. Ooh, this is good. It says you have a calm surface, but underneath, you are intense and passionate and yearn to be a slave to my love.

CB: It doesn’t say that.

TM: Sure it does. In so many words...


R: I think I’m going to retch.

C: Could we skip to something the rest of us might find interesting?

TM: I just thought you miserably lonely bachelors might want a taste of what it’s like to be me.

C: I’ve already lived in a dumpster. Let’s go on with it.

TM: Fine. So, this fortune teller comes by the table, asks if we want a reading and, of course, Chelsee does. So I shuffle these tarot cards and the woman lays ‘em out and the first card is The Lovers.

C: Oh gawd.

R: Call the police, Louie. And tell them to bring a straight jacket.

TM: I’m dead serious. And then she flips over, like, an Ace of Pentagrams, a Knight of something, a something of Swords, and a couple other ones.

C: Isn’t that a straight?

TM: That’s what I asked her, but then Chelsee punched me and I had to sit there while the lady explained everything.


FTW: This card, the Lovers, represents your present position and symbolizes the beginning of romance--I don’t suppose I need to tell you two anything about that, do I? The Ace of Pentacles, which crosses the Lovers, is your immediate influence and represents obstacles lying just ahead.

CB: What kind of obstacles?

FTW: A common interpretation of this card is treasure.

TM: Well, shiver me timbers.

CB: Shh.

FTW: The next card is your crown—your goal or destiny. The Knight of Wands is a vague card, indicating a journey into the unknown. The card to the right represents events from the distant past that influence the present. The High Priestess is an auspicious card, symbolizing secrets, mystery...a future as yet unrevealed. The card in this position identifies the strongest influence from your past. What’s unusual here is that the Page of Swords almost always represents an actual person.

TM: Sylvia...

FTW: I feel strongly that this person is attempting to perceive the unknown by prying into your friend’s deepest secrets.

TM: The last card is upside-down. Does that mean anything?

FTW: Yes, unfortunately. This is your future influence. The Nine of Pentacles reversed indicates danger, loss of a valued possession or perhaps a valued friendship.

TM: Are there any happy cards?

FTW: Let’s hope so. There are four more cards to be shown. [CARD FLIPPING] This first one reveals your present attitude. Like the other cards, the Six of Cups shows that you’re moving toward the past—memories... faded images...things that have vanished. [beat] Maybe we shouldn’t go on.

TM: No way. You already peeked at the next one. I want to see how low we can go.

FTW: All right. But I must warn you—this card represents the things currently in the environment or atmosphere around you.


L: So? What was the last card?

TM: It was the Devil.


C: Oooh…scary.

R: How appropriate. Was the Devil wearing a ridiculous fedora?

L: Hush, Rook. So then you and Chelsee left the restaurant?

TM: Right. We walked out and I saw that my speeder had been stolen.

R: Sure it was. By a Repo man.

TM: Hey, it wasn’t much, but it was paid off.

L: Then what, Moiph?

TM: It’s all kind of a blur – I’ve been racking my brain, trying to piece it together.

L: Try to remember. Did you call the police? Did you go somewhere?

TM: I have this image of some weird-looking guy in a speeder. [beat] It’s starting to come back to me…this guy started to park in the space where my speeder was. He had an accent…Australian, I think. He and Chelsee started talking – I was still in shock. [beat] OK. I’m pretty sure he asked if we wanted a ride to the police station – the cop shop, he called it.

C: Those Auzzies. They’re just whacky.

L: So you and Chelsee got in his speeder?

TM: Yeah. But I had a really bad feeling…some sort of déjà vu. And I remember a woman’s voice saying something about Faberge.

R: So, on top of everything else, you were drunk.

TM: OK, I’d had a few sakis, but I swear it’s the truth.

L: And that’s all ya can recall?

TM: I guess. [beat] Wait, no.

L: What?

TM: He pulled a gun on us. Now I remember! He shot Chelsee! I turned to look when I heard the sound, and then I was looking down the barrel of a gun. [beat] That’s all.


L: I believe ya, Moiph. What about you guys?

C: I think he’s finally gone completely mad.

TM: I know it sounds crazy, but if you don’t believe me, just ask Chelsee!

R: Well that’d be a trick, now wouldn’t it?

TM: Will one of you please tell me what the hell is going on?


L: They found your speeder, Moiph. It’d got burned down to almost nothin’. And someone was inside it. [beat] I don’t know how to tell ya this, Moiph, but Chelsee’s dead.